The Straight, The Gay, and The Bi
by 0.Dear.Ambellina.0
Summary: A spoof of a wild west movie starring the esca chars. Dil's drug smuggling- Van's failing ranch- Chesta's little secret- Allen's "Lusty Knight's Saloon"... and of course the annual sheep race... R
1. Scene 1

**TRAILER PREVIEW **

Three separate but equally important groups, fight for the criminal justice system of Gaia. There are the officers who investigate crimes, the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and of course, there are the criminals who commit the crimes.

These are their Stories.

BAIL AND PROBATION ("Law and Order" Sound Effect)

* * *

NOW FOR YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION

Feather Fall Pictures Presents

In Association with Gigglefitz Studios AND BadBoy Entertainment

**THE STRAIGHT,**

**THE GAY,**

**AND THE BI**

(Funky western music)

Starring

The Straight

Julie, Joanna, Amanda, Amelia, Chesta, Milerna, Dryden, Folken, Gary, Nerissa, Vari, and Goah

The Gay

Van, Guimel, Gatti, Dalet, Gaddes and The A-Crew

And The Bi

Dilandau, Miguel, Allen

Scene One

The scene opens up with a typical western town setting. As a tumbleweed rolls by the camera moves up to the Lusty Knight's Saloon and through the swinging doors. The random towns people are at the bar drinking, or gathered around tables associating with the western mafia. The A-Crew is at the bar playing cards with Gaddes the bartender, while the "YMCA" is being played on an old-fashioned western player piano. Gaddes looks up from his Strip Old Maid hand, and looks to Folken as he enters. He says in a western accent, all serious-like, "so, you've come back, huh?"

"For you?" Folken asks, suppressing a laugh. "Hardly. I came to see Allen about..."

"OOOOOOOOHHH!!" cry the excited crcrewmembers throwing down their intense card game. "Allen has a boyfriend! Allen has a boyfriend!" The ruthless chanting goes on and on.

"No. Actually I'm quite straight. Unlike you... what the A-Crew? I think it's more like the **GAY** crew!" Folken laughs at his own joke hysterically, while the insane chanting carries on.

Through all of the noise, Allen enters from the bedroom (there is only one) awakening from his beauty sleep – at three in the afternoon. He leans on the doorframe and watches the events as the A-Crew stop singing and listen to Folken.

Folken continues, "Anyway I came for some hair advice from Allen, the man keeps his hair very well tamed, you see."

Allen clears his throat to let everyone know he's there and enters, wearing his nightshirt. Allen walks over, trying to look unimpressed that Folken was here, but really on the inside he was gleeful. "So, Folken. What can I- HEY IS THAT STRIP OLD MAID!! That's my favourite!!" Folken slaps his forehead.

"Yeah boss. We'll deal you in."

"No! He has to _deal_ with my hair!" interjects Folken.

One A-Crew member says with a lisp, "oh! Somebody's being greedy."

"I am not!" shouts Folken.

"Calm down. Calm down, there's plenty of me to go around!" Says Allen with a chuckle. He turns to Folken. "I'll play that game later. Right now, we have to work on your hair."

"Okay, I was thinking of doing something dif-"

"What do you think, boys? Does he need an organic experience?" The A-crew agrees wildly, and big smiles cross their faces.

"A what experience?" asks Folken, suddenly becoming extremely nervous.

"Tell me, Folken. Do you have the Urge?" Asks Allen, stalking menacingly towards him, his cronies not far behind.

"The urge to what, exactly?" Folken stammers, backing away only to be met by a chair pushed by one of the guys. Folken is forced to sit.

"Why, the Urge to Herbal of course!" Allen laughed as if there were no other explanation. They all break into song, excepting Folken, of course.

"He's got the urge to Herbal. Natural Botanical. Folken wants to herbal in the shower, for another half an hour! He's got the urge!"

By now, Folken is getting into it, the exhilarating natural feel of this new shampoo and conditioner, that he's never before experienced. After all of the singing, dancing and washing Folken's hair was over, Allen asks, "What did you think? Like the Organic Experience?"

"Yeah! Where can I get this shampoo and conditioner?" Folken asks him. "It really gives me healthy looking hair"

"Forget that! It's time for the body wash!" cries Gaddes.

"What?!" screams Folken.

"Get him." Says one of the men.

"Allen! Help me!" Folken cries. But Allen does nothing. "AHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Trust us! You'll feel so much better after your body wash!" said one guy.

"NOOOOO somebody help me" cries Folken.

Outside the saloon, three mysterious figures hear the cries from within.

Suddenly, the swinging saloon doors burst open with a crash. Everyone in the room becomes silent. Three figures are cast in shadows at the entrance. Classic bad-guy-entering-the-saloon western suspense music plays.

"Unhand that man, ya yella-bellied, lily-livered desert hogs!" Yells Joanna.

"Nobody screams for help unless it is at the mercy of the Fugitive Four.'

Fortunately for Folken, three super villains heard his pleas for help.

"Who are you?" asks Allen.

"We're the Fugitive Four, working towards becoming the only super Villains to be reckoned with." Says Julie.

"We know what your angle is, and you are doing wrong!" Exclaims Amanda.

"We're the ones who are supposed to do wrong. You are going to pay! NOW!" Growls Joanna.

"Fugitive... Four?" Asks one member.

"I count three." Puts in another.

"Yeah." Says Folken.

"SHUT UP!" All three girls say together. "You are ruining our intro!"

"But," protested Allen "We are not super villains!"

"SILENCE!!" Says Julie "I'm Falcon!" (Short red hair and kinda short)

"I'm Fox!" Says Amanda (Long brown hair and kinda tall)

"And I'm Frog!" Says Joanna. (Medium length blonde hair and average height)

"And we're the Fugitive Four!" Say all three.

"You will release Folken from your grips, give him back his clothes..." starts Julie...

...while Joanna finishes, "Or we will unleash our awesome evil powers!"

They let him go in awe, and toss his clothes to Amanda. Folken runs to the three girls, relieved to see some females. "Thank you, Fugitive Four! Thank you!"

"No need to thank us, we're just doing you a favour now, to ensure our villainous reign spreads to all corners of the earth!" says Amanda. She looks to Allen, and wiggled her fingers in hello. Allen smiles and waved back to her.

"Now!" says Julie suddenly overtaken by a Western accent. "We're here ta clean up this desert town, mark my words. I'm the new sheriff of this here town, and these are my deputies. There will be no breakin' of the law in my town from this day forth." The Fugitive Four were met with a respectable cheer from the crowd at the Lusty Knight's Saloon.

'So now that you're our Sheriff what brings you to our mild manner town?' Allen asks.

'Well' Joanna begins 'it all started when the forth fugitive four member, Amelia needed to go on vacation…'

Fades to a scene to a lofty apartment in a booming metropolitan city. Amelia (Black bob haircut and average height) is in the process of telling the rest of the Fugitive Four that she needs a vacation.

'I joined this group of super villains because I needed more excitement in my life. However, things have gone stale and I need a 2-week vacation. I'm going to the sunny beaches of Asturia'

Joanna's narrative voice is heard over the action of Amanda, Julie and Joanna reading a letter. 'Three days later we got a letter asking us to join her at the sunny beaches of Asturia. Julie and I requested that Amanda pick up the plane tickets and off we went.'

Flashback ends. Julie continues 'it wasn't until we arrived here in "sunny Apoletta" that we realized that Amanda made a mistake and bought the wrong tickets. Instead of wasting our money and vacation time trying to get to her vacation spot we left her a message as to the whereabouts of us'

'Now that our story is out of the way, what exactly was going on with that guy?' Joanna asks.

'Folken' Folken interrupts

'What exactly was going on with Folken?' Joanna continues.

'Well, I was trying to impress my parents by getting a better hairstyle. The only person who is able to pull off the David Bowie look since the 70's is David Bowie.'

'Hairstyle? I thought this was a saloon not a salon' Joanna says.

'Isn't that the same thing?' Amada asks.

'No Amanda it's not' Joanna tells her impatiently.

In the background Allen and Amanda begin talking about what hairstyle would best suit Folken. In the foreground Joanna leans into Julie. 'That's a brilliant scheme you've concocted, taking the position of sheriff to commit crimes under the guise of the law.'

'What?' Julie responds 'no. We're on vacation. There is to be absolutely no law breaking from you or Amanda while we are here. Our job is to be super villains and I believe that people shouldn't bring work with them while they are on vacation. And what is a super villain's job description?'

'Wreaking havoc and doing wrong…" mutters Joanna in disappointment.

"Well, we are going to do the opposite of that while we're on vacation!"

"No! You can't mean…" Joanna gasps.

"YES! We are going to DO GOOD!"

Narrator: And so, with the new sheriff in town, it seemed as if the law would never be broken again. But there was some serious crimes happening, and Sheriff Falcon and Deputy Frog, and Deputy Fox, would have to get to the bottom of them.

Fade To Black.

* * *


	2. Scene 2

**Scene Two**

* * *

Scene opens outside a western General Store. Inside, the three members of the Fugitive Four are trying on a variety of spiffy western duds. They picked out hats, chaps, boots, and vests to match.

"Thanks so much, Gary." Says Joanna.

"No! Thank you! Old Gary is delighted to have some business. Just between you and me, my wife was going to cut me down to one meal a day."

"What? But from what I heard, you two owned most of the shops and land in this here town…."

"That's right," says Gary. "Everything but the Albatou and Fanel Ranches… oh and the Lusty Knight's Saloon. They won't sell."

"Then why the meal cuts?" Inquires Julie.

"I make a lot of mistakes that cost our family big. Nerissa doesn't stand for mistakes. But never mind that! Today's a good day. Lots o' sales for Old Gary!"

"So tell me about the Albatou Ranch, because I was talking to a shepherd last night at the Saloon. Sounded like trouble." Continues Julie.

"Oh. Albatou Ranch… no trouble there. That's the finest ranch in these here parts." Gary says.

Camera cuts to outside the General Store. The Sheriff and her Deputies are all dressed to the nines in the Wild West clothing. "So what now?" Asks Joanna with mock excitement at the thought of doing good.

"Let's go do something good! I am going to investigate our first case at the Albatou Ranch. You two make some rounds about town, looking for any law-breakers!"

"Got it!" cries Amanda, saluting.

"We're not in the army, Amanda." Says Joanna. She watches Julie mount her horse and ride off toward the other end of town, then leans into Amanda. "I think we have some of our OWN investigating to do."

"We do?!" Amanda claps!

"There's something going on here under the surface… something illegal… I can feel it. And you and I are going to get in on it!"

"Hooray!!" cries Amanda "I love Sherlock Holmes!"

* * *

Camera pans out of town, through rich wrought iron gates inscribed with Albatou Ranch and into the nearby pastures.

Chesta rides calmly through the pastures, leading the lambs and whistling a light tune. Guimel and Dalet ride up and block Chesta's path.

"Hey guys." Chesta says, smiling.

"Hello Clairice." says Dalet, in the style of Hannibal.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing..." Guimel shoots a glare at Dalet, and he hangs his head sheepishly.

"I'm herding sheep, guys. I have to go." Chesta says and tries to pass.

"Where do you think you're going?" Says Dalet and he and Guimel move in front of him menacingly, blocking him once again.

"I just told you... I'm herding sheep..." Chesta gives them an "Oookay," look.

"Miguel is going to herd sheep for you, today."

"Really?! That's great! Now I can finish your birthday present!" Chesta says happily.

"You aren't going anywhere." says Guimel.

"Ah man! Guys I've told you, I prefer the company of women."

"Oh yeah! Well that's now what it says on your facebook!" replies Guimel.

"You guys signed into my account changed my preferences. Then you changed my password so I can't login and fix it!"

Guimel and Dalet give each other a high five and then say, "oh yeah!"

"But it doesn't matter anymore because finally someone in this town believes that I'm a completely straight Dragon Slayer."

"AH HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" Dalet laughs manically!

"Yeah right!" says Guimel.

"It's true!!" comes a young woman's voice.

All three look up to see a redhead on a horse in spiffy western duds, a gleaming star badge pinned to her shirt that said Sheriff. She smiles at Chesta and winks.

"The name's Julie. And you two aren't going anywhere with him!"

"Hey aren't you that girl from the Fugitive Four?" asks a new voice. It was Folken.

"Folken-Sama!" All three boys say at once.

"Yes." Julie says through gritted teeth, annoyed because she is trying not to be a fugitive on vacation.

"Thanks again!" He says, and continues walking through the field with his sheep on a leash, bouncing merrily beside him.

"As I was saying!" says Julie, turning back to the three boys.

"Never mind that," says Dalet. "We're not going to bug him anymore, Sheriff."

Julie mutters to herself, "hmm that was really easy to get them to lay off… TOO easy." Just then, the Deputies ride up.

"Listen, girls. Something's fishy about this place. These people are TOO law-abiding to work at an extremely rich Wild West sheep ranch. We should split up, and ask some questions." The girls nod and head off. "As for me," Julie says, looking dramatically in the direction the boys trotted off in, "I'm gonna catch me some law-breakers! Yah!" Julie sets off through the meadow at lightning speed. She rides up to the wealthy ranch-owners home, and sees a tall silver-haired boy overseeing another boy trim the hedges into the shape of prize-winning sheep.

Ranch-Master Dilandau, also dressed in red spiffy western duds, diverts his attention from his hedges to greet her. "Good afternoon, mam." He tips his hat, and glances left and right quickly.

"Howdy." She says as she dismounts. "Mighty-fine ranch you got here."

"Yup. Mighty-fine is my middle name."

"An' what's yer first name, Mr. Albatou?"

"Dilandau. Fancy star… does the new Sheriff have a name?"

"It's Julie."

"What brings you to my ranch, this fine morning?"

"Look, I'm gonna be frank,"

"Frank? I thought you were Sheriff Julie?" Dilandau interjects sardonically.

Julie doesn't notice and continues. "Somethin' bad's been goin' down to one of yer shepherds."

"Ack! Are the sheep okay?!"

"Of course they are."

"Is my shepherd boy okay, then?"

"Well, that's what I'm here to find out."

"Good! I just couldn't live without any one of my sweet little shepherd boys."

Julie's face goes into detective mode. "Do you know anything about changing facebook accounts and the harassment of a certain employee of yours who is straight?"

"One of MY Dragon Slayers straight? HA!" laughs Dilandau.

"Dragon Slayers? I thought you were sheep ranchers…" Julie says in confusion.

"Well we _were_ Dragon Slayers, then we moved out here for some peace and quiet after the empire fell, and changing our names and all that paperwork… well you get the idea…."

"Exactly! I'm on vacation, but I am still a member of the Fugitive Four."

Dilandau stares at her. After a long pause, he decides to agree. "Yeah, that's… exactly the same thing…. Can I help you with anything else, Sheriff?"

"Yes. I want to ask that Chesta some more questions? Where can I find him?"

"He and the other boys went into the old Zibach Floating Fortress… which seemed to float right into the ground."

"I see. Well then, off I go. Thanks for your cooperation Ranch-Master Dilandau." Julie tips her hat, and rides off towards the crashed fortress.

Inside she can hear Chesta protesting. "Noooo. Don't put those clearly photoshopped pictures of some guy and me on there!! Change my password back! Don't add a Chippendale application! That's MY facebook."

Julie enters. "Stop harassing him!"

"We're not harassing him. He's just in the closet!" Says Dalet.

"He's not in the closet. He's a nice person. And you should listen to him for once. I am not going to let you get away with hurting his feelings anymore!" Julie tells the boys.

"We were hurting him? Is that what he told you?" Guimel asks, becoming concerned.

"Yes!" Julie replies.

"Why didn't you tell us, Chesta?" Dalet frowns at Chesta.

"Yeah, we totally thought you were playing hard to get." Guimel explains.

"No. I was being serious."

"So. You really are straight. We thought you were joking!" Dalet laughs.

"Do you realize that you are the _only_ straight shepherd ever?" Guimel asks him.

"I am? There has to be someone else?" says a shocked Chesta. "Geez. That's why Ma told me not to bother comin' home for Christmas hog."

"That's why we thought you were kidding." replies Guimel.

"Yeah. I think it's like a prerequisite or something." Says Dalet. "How did you make the cut?"

"He acts gay." says Guimel.

"I do not!" argued Chesta. "Anyway, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! It's mandatory to be gay!" He laughs it off.

"Does that mean Dilandau is...?" Julie asks, snickering.

"No. He's one of those weirdoes who likes both men _and_ women!" says Dalet.

Everyone turns to see Dilandau standing in the doorway, his head bowed sadly. "I was standing right here..." There is a long pause. "Anyway. Now that everything is taken care of, I believe there's no reason for you to stay, Sheriff Jules."

"I... I guess not."

"Well then, I suggest you take yer horse an' git on back to town. They'll be needin' you."

"Right! I guess that takes care of my suspicions! See you later, Dragon Ranchers and Ranch-Master Dilandau!

* * *

Cut to Joanna and Amanda trying to catch a lamb.

"Why do we need this lamb?" Amanda asks breathlessly.

"Because when we "return" this "missing lost lamb" to Mr. Albatou, we'll be on the in." Replies Joanna diving for the frightened lamb.

"The in of what?"

Joanna glares at Amanda. "Do you really think this ranch is extremely wealthy cause they have nice sheep?! Remember that Fanel Ranch we went to? It has way cuter sheep and it's poorer than your IQ."

"Oh, that's not good." Amanda grabs the lamb's leg. It bleats as Joanna gets a hold of it.

"Now," breaths Joanna. "Let's get this "lost little lamb" back to rich Mr. Albatou."

* * *

Cut to Joanna and Amanda riding up to the wealthy ranch house. "Good Afternoon Mr. Albatou." Dilandau is surrounded by some working Dragon Slayers, Chesta, Miguel, and Dallet.

"Call me Dilandau. A visit from the Sheriff _and_ her Deputies all in one day," he says flatly. "To what do I owe the honour, Deputy…?"

"Joanna. And this here's Amanda. We were just bringing back one of your lost lambs."

"Thank you kindly, little lady." Says Dilandau tipping his hat to Joanna. "Chesta! Your lamb is back!!"

"AH! My sweet little angel!" Chesta scoops him. The action continues, but in the back ground Chesta can be seen cuddling and frolicking with his sheep and saying annoying phrases like 'Oh you're so CUTE!' and 'Where's my little honey-bunny suckle-face?"

"So..." says Joanna, "how's the old "ranching" business?" She flashes him a BIG wink.

"Oh… well, let's just say, lately, it's not what it's "cracked" up to be."

Joanna nods. "I see. Perhaps you need to hire a few new hands to help with the work load?"

"Hmm. Don't see how that could help. I need to save money at this point."

"Wait. Why are we doing this? Is Sheriff Julie around?" Joanna asks suddenly.

"Nah, I sent her back to town hours ago." Replies Dilandau.

"Oh well we don't need innuendos with just Amanda here. She's not the brightest."

They both look at Amanda. She stares back with a smile on her face. "I am Doctor Watson!"

Joanna and Dilandau shrug. "Well," begins Dilandau. "To be completely honest with you, this ranch is just a cover up for a major illegal drug operation my boys and I are executing. Things were great for a while, hence all of my wealth and status. But for months now, the next town over has really upped its security. They won't take anything into the city without thoroughly checking it. Our big shipment was supposed to be tomorrow, but we've had to cancel because our informant fell through. We've just lost contact."

"Why do you have to take the drugs to the next town?" asks Joanna

"The next town has a Port. We then ship the goods on a four-master all and to all over Gaia, and we get filthy rich doing it. But not anymore."

Joanna blinks twice. "Hmm. Well what you need is an inside woman."

"You? What could you possible do that I haven't done?"

"Those lawmen next town over will check those packages before they are even brought to the decks to be loaded on the ship, right? What if you can bypass the search, say with a sheriff... or a deputy, on your side?" Joanna finishes, offering several sly winks.

A silence falls over everyone as an over-exaggerated wind and tumbleweed roll by, gently perused by a singing and frolicking Chesta hold a sheep in his arms. The sheep's eyes are practically bulging out as Chesta squeezes him, saying "I will hug and squeeze you and keep you for my very own. And I will call you Kush."

Everyone just stares in bewilderment as Chesta frolics away daintily.

"Well! Your…aid could be rendered as useful. But you'll be wanting … pay?"

"I just want a cut of the drug money so I can retire early." Says Joanna.

"I like the way you think, Joanna! Bwa ha, ha, ha! Mwa ha, ha, ha!"

Gatti, Miguel and Joanna join in and all four laugh wickedly at the prospect of making a shit-ton of money.

Back in town, Julie is oblivious to the whereabouts of her Deputies, the evil plot to transport drugs by wagon train in the next town over, and as to what to have for dinner at the Lusty Knight's Saloon.

Fade to Black.


	3. Scene 3

**Scene three**

* * *

Inside the Sheriff's office, we see pacing back and forth in front of her desk, which is littered with papers and photos. Amanda is there, leaning against the far wall across from the window and door. Her face is just as undecided and perplexed as Julie's, but most likely for a completely different reason. Joanna saunters through the door just in time to hear Julie mutter, "...but who?"

Joanna pauses and looks between the two. Finally she announces her presence by clearing her throat and saying, "so... you, uh, wanted to see me?"

"Yes," says Julie, moving to the window. She folds her hands neatly behind her back and stares out onto the dirt street, lined with shops and houses fashioned after the popular old west.

"Something has come to my attention," she continues, the tone of her voice unmistakably businesslike. "There has been an illegal drug trafficking operation going on right under our noses." Joanna's eyes widen and she swallows audibly.

"Yeah... that was my reaction." says Amanda with concern.

"It has been going on for quite some time."

"But we've only been here for two days!" Joanna points out.

"There are a lot of people and there is a lot of money involved, both going into and coming out of the operation. There are times, dates, places and rendezvous. There are even inside connections with corrupt authority!"

Joanna gasps.

"Yeah... that was also my reaction. I'm still in shock!" Says Amanda, her concern growing.

"But the only thing is... who? Who is the biggest question here," continues Julie. "Who is the inside connection, who is the lord, who are the employees. What are these dates, and places and times, and rendezvous? Who is involved in this thing? And when is it going down? And most importantly, who the hell did I get this information from?"

"I don't know sir, Mam, I mean, Sheriff." Stammers Joanna.

'You're acting pretty strange this morning, Deputy." Julie says, noticing the beads of sweat slowly forming at Joanna's temples.

'Oh no' Joanna chuckles nervously, 'You know it's just this vacation weather.' she chuckles again and then it kind of dies down after the third chuckle. 'Well gotta go, see you on the playing field' says Joanna and then leaves the room. Amanda and Julie stare blankly after her.

'Must be bingo night' Says Amanda, nodding knowingly.

'I reckon!' Julie replies and folds her hands behind her back neatly, staring out the window again. Camera zooms out through the window in to the street where we see Joanna hitching up a wagon and riding up towards the Albatou Ranch.

Fade out.

* * *

Fade in to later that day,inside Gary's General Store. We see Allen inside, sitting at a barstool eating away at his chocolate ice cream cone while Gary tidies up. The little bell rings as Amanda enters, meaning to question the townsfolk about the drug operation, at Julie's request. She sees Allen and immediately ignores the other customers, seating herself next to him on a stool.

"Can I get you anything, Mam?" asks Gary.

"Yeah, sure Gary. What he's having, if you don't mind." she replies, flashing a smile and indicating Allen's ice cream. She then turned her attention to Allen. "Afternoon, Allen. How's business down at the Lusty Knight's?"

"Great, Deputy Amanda. What brings you 'round here?"

"I reckon there's a great big drug operation goin' down in this here town. D'you know anything 'bout it?" she asks.

"Wow! We're finally getting a pharmacy here! Now we can finally win the fight against small pox, and perhaps Mad Cow Disease."

"No! An _illegal_ drug operation!"

"Oh! No I haven't heard anything."

"I have," said Gary. "Word on the street is the trafficking is operating out of some guy's ranch. No one knows who's behind it, however."

"Ranch, eh? ... No one, eh?... However, eh?" says Amanda.

Allen begins to get quite excited. "Are you onto something, Amanda?"

"You know... I think I am. Thanks for everything Allen!" She gives him a great big ice creamy kiss.

"But..." says Gary.

"Your welcome. Anytime." Says Allen, smiling sweetly.

"But I am the one who gave you the information." protests Gary. "Deputy Amanda? Hello?" Amanda and Allen leave, hand in hand. "Awwww. Darn it, they're gone, and she didn't pay for that ice cream. My wife said if I lost any more money, she'd leave me..."

Alone in his shop, Gary stands behind a darkened counter top, holding a chocolate ice cream cone, and a checkered tea towel. Nothing ever really goes right for poor old Gary.

Fade to Black

* * *

Camera pans across a wide desert, catching up to Joanna, Dilandau and crew moseying as they pass cactuses, tumbleweeds, various exotic animals, and the occasional palm tree. There, in the horizon, an intricate little western town begins to take form– delightful buildings, tall-massed ships– and then receding into the distance is the fantastic sea.

Behind the wagon trail, a clopping sound of hooves is heard rising above a sand dune. Joanna thinks to herself, "we're on soft sand, there are no clops from our horses..."

The whole operation stops as everyone turns to see... Gary, banging two empty halves of coconut together to make a hoof sound. He looks dreadful– sunburned, deathly thirsty, and exhausted.

"What in the name of all that belongs in an asylum are you doing?!" cries Dilandau.

"My wife always threatened to leave me if I lost any more of her money. Deputy Amanda lost me forty-five cents this afternoon, on account of not paying for her ice cream. As it turns out, all of my wife's threats were empty... she didn't leave, she kicked _me_ out! She told me, 'Gary, you better git on that horse of yers and ride yer arse straight outta town... while you still can.' Yup. That's what she said," recounts the ever-pathetic Gary.

Joanna rubs her temples in annoyance. "What was Amanda doing in the General Store getting ice cream?"

"It was just a ploy to pry answers out of poor Allen. I answered for him, thinking she'd pay me for the ice cream… but she didn't. Poor old Gary didn't even get any credit for his information."

"What information exactly?" Asks Joanna nervously.

"Why, that rumors tell of the drug operation being run out of one of the town's ranches."

"I see." Replies Joanna through clenched teeth.

"Can I come with you? Nerissa wouldn't let me have my horse Kush…."

"No way! You called your horse Kush? Chesta just called his new sheep Kush!" cries Gatti.

"It's a real popular name in Sudan, you know. Ever since the name was changed to Northern Sudan!" says Dalet matter-of-factly, an index finger raised.

Joanna glares at them, and they silence themselves. She continues towards Gary, "you look awful. You have been wandering aimlessly through this desert in the hot noon sun, dying of thirst and growing ever more exhausted..."

"Yeah! And think of how much energy you'd conserve if you weren't making horse hoof noises with those coconut shells!" says Dilandau.

"Yeah well, I missed my Kush." Gary wines.

"It would be such a shame if you were stuck out here in the blistering heat, without water, or protection from the sun." Joanna says darkly, glaring at Gary.

"Y…yeah it would…" stammers Gary.

"I sure wish we could help you, Gary. But you see, Gary, there's no room on this caravan for people with real big mouths like the one you've got. Oh and if the Sheriff gets any leads based on the information you let slip, you better pray you die here in this desert, cause if I find you, you're done for!"

"Oooohhh! ... oh... well, that's much worse." sobs Gary, looking at the sandy desert ground in defeat.

The wagon trail moves on, leaving Gary standing sadly in the desert all alone, looking at his coconuts, wishing they were his faithful horse, Kush.

* * *

Cut to the inside of the Sheriff's office, the sun high in the sky outside. Deputy Amanda is standing in front of Julie's desk.

"So, yeah, a ranch," says Amanda.

"A ranch?!" questions Julie.

"A ranch." Amanda nods.

"Well there is only one ranch in town!" Julie narrows her eyes, looking in the direction of Dilandau's ranch.

"No, Sheriff Julie, there are five ranches."

"Yes, I know, but the biggest one is Ranch-Master Dilandau's, and... oh now you ruined the moment."

* * *

Cut to Sheriff Julie riding up to visit Dilandau's Ranch on a hunch, only to find that no one is there... except Chesta.

"So Chesta... whatcha doin'?" she asks.

Tending to his sheep, he replies, half distracted, "I am tending to my sheep."

"Oh. I see. Um, where is Dilandau?"

"Oh! They all went to the next town over to pick up some more sheep for the sheep race! I can't wait!"

"Well, that seems honorable and virtuous," says Julie thoughtfully. "It must be some other ranch." She pauses for a long time in thought. "Well," she declares finally, "gotta go!"

* * *

Cut to the wagons filled with drugs and Dragon Slayers at the gates of the next town over. Joanna is trying to pass the crew through the cargo checks.

"Look, I'm the Sheriff's number one Deputy of Apoletta– the next town over. There is very secret merchandise aboard, and they sent me so no one would get suspicious." She says calmly.

"Sounds good to me," says the coast-guard guy. He walks off to check the next wagon.

"Arr!" says the captain of the ship the goods are being loaded on. "Be ye Dilandau of Apoletta?"

"Yup!"

"I be havin' sumthin' fer ya! A package from or' the Big Blue. Them that sent it to ye said to tell ya, 'if ye don't send the goods, ye'll be sarry!'"

"I think I understood you. Uh... thanks." Dilandau takes the package and walks away, shredding the rapping. "We're rich! Let's go buy a heap of sheep!"

Camera zooms out on the Dragon Slayers and Joanna at a stall of fancy-looking sheep.

Narrator: And so, Joanna, Dilandau and the Dragon Slayers selected ten premium racing sheep, preparing for the Annual Apoletta Sheep Race! It was going to be great!

Fade to Black.

Please Review!!


	4. Scene 4

**Scene Four**

* * *

Scene opens in Sheriff Julie's office, the morning of the fourth day as Sheriff in Apoletta. Julie is at her desk with a notepad and pencil.

"Today, Deputy Amanda, we are going to go and check out the last ranch, lets see," Julie looks down at a sheet of paper that has four names crossed off and one remaining. "The Fanel Ranch" she narrows her eyes. "Rumour has it that lately he's been down on his luck with the financial aspects of his ranching business. What a perfect motive for trafficking drugs!"

"Mmm Hmm!" Says Amanda.

"Before we head over, where's Deputy Joanna?"

"Oh." Says Amanda. "She's helping Dilandau and his ranchers set up for the annual festival and sheep race tomorrow."

"Really?! That's so great! I was worried she would try to wreak havoc and do wrong while we were on our vacation away from villainy."

"Villainy? I thought our city was called--"

"Not now Amanda! Let's go to the Fanel Ranch and see what clues we can dig up!" Julie exclaims.

* * *

Camera zooms in on the Sheriff and Deputy's horses riding up the lane to the Fanel ranch. Van Fanel is sitting on his flat fence with his chin in his palm. He has a puzzled and disturbed look upon his face. Sheriff Julie and Deputy Amanda walk over to Van and accidentally startle him, making him lose his balance and he falls to the ground. Van quickly recovers himself and stands up. Julie's jaw drops and she becomes all starry eyed, captivated by his black hair and cowboy charm.

"Good morning, Mams." Van sighs and tips his hat halfheartedly at the ladies.

"Oh, what's wrong Mr. Fanel." sincerely asks Amanda.

"Please Sheriff, Deputy… call me Van. And a lot is wrong…. my financial situation sucks, my sheep really suck, and I just found out I had a mole," Van stares blankly at nothing in particular in the recollection of the horror of discovering the mole.

"Is that it, you poor, poor soul?" Julie asks sincerely, and breathlessly.

"No" Van wails and then quietly sulkily, he adds, "my parents are visiting."

"Why is that a bad thing?" asks Amanda.

"Everytime they come down, Folken comes over… and then he gets… well it's not pretty…"

"What do you mean, Ranch-Master Van?"

"Please, Sheriff, just call me Van."

"Really?!" Julie squeals and blushes! Hearts float up from her head continuously.

"Well… here comes Folken… just listen in…" Van sighs again.

Folken saunters up to Van and asks, "So, what do you think?"

Van looks up sadly. Then he sees Folken's hair! It has been dyed black and cut in the exact same style as Van's. "What the…?"

"Do you think mother and father will like it?

"Folken, give it a rest…" sighs Van, yet again.

"That's not even the best part! I threw out all of my stupid David Bowie CDs."

"But you like David Bowie." Adds Van.

Folken hardly listens, "and I quit Master Dilandau's farm to work here for you. Together you and I can tell mother and father that we're going to turn this ranch around…. I, well, I bought you a winning sheep for the race tomorrow with my last pay cheque from Dilandau!"

Folken leads the sheep out. It is a stunning adorable little creature. Van moves towards it, tears welling up in his eyes. He kneels down. "It's a really, really good sheep, Folken." Van chokes his words out.

"I've been training it in secret. I dirtied him up real good before I showed Dilandau which one I wanted to buy, too." Replies Folken proudly. "So what do you say, bro? Let's tell mom and dad together!"

"Oh Folken!! WHY? Why do you put yourself through this EVERY YEAR? You should just go before they get here...you might still have time—"

Just then, we see a wagon pull up… and out step Vari and Gogh, calling to their "sons."

"Oh Van, my darling! My sweet baby! How are you, precious?" calls Vari.

"Yeah, slugger! How are you doing?" Goah punched Van lightly in the arm. Then he turns to Folken. "Folken. What the hell are you still standing around for? Harness the horses and put the wagon away. Then get your mothers luggage out!"

"Yes father…" Folken sighs.

As Folken struggles with the horses, wagon and luggage, Van, Vari and Goah walk into Van's home. Julie and Amanda follow. Vari calls angrily to Folken, "Why are the cops here, Dammit? Can't you do anything right?"

"With all do respect, Mam, we're here to speak with your other son." Says Julie politely, realizing she was here in the first place.

"Oh? Go ahead. I'll make some coffee." Says Vari; not thinking her perfect son was in any kind of trouble with the law.

"Will he need a lawyer, Sheriff?" Asks Goah.

"No, no…at least, not yet" Amanda says with a grin.

"So, Van. You are the owner of this ranch?" Says Julie, grinning idiotically.

"Yes"

"And you are in some financial trouble, you say?"

"Yes. But that will all be… corrected…soon enough." Van says, tapping his fingertips together.

"Annnnnnd just what does that mean?" asks Julie, suddenly regaining her composure and speculations.

"Oh. I plan to win the annual Apoletta sheep race!"

"Oh and you'll do just great, my darling little boy!" says Vari, as she plants a great big kiss on Van's forehead.

"Mom…" Says Van, annoyed.

"Now, now son, you're mother loves you,…" says Goah. "Unlike that other… mistake of ours!"

At that moment, and hearing every word, Folken walks in the door. Stunned, with a painful look on his face, Folken drops the luggage.

"Can't you do anything right?! You always have to break something, don't you?!" yells Goah.

Julie thinks to herself, 'so that's why he tattooed that tear on his face… well, here's the next person that will be talking to me about their problems in the Lusty Knight's Saloon.'

"Why don't you love me, father?" cried Folken, as tears run down his cheeks.

"Let me put it this way. Van slew the dragon you ran from…"

"No! It tore my arm off… see? My mechanical one!" Folken waves it up and down quickly, chibi-style.

"Don't interrupt me boy!!" shouts Goah, over him.

"Van is the only one who has ever made up proud, dear," says Vari.

"Just tell me! After all these years! Please tell me! Why don't I have a birth certificate, why don't I look like you, or Van, or Daddy? Mom! Just tell me! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

"Well the answer to all of those questions is that… we stole you from a shopping cart at The Baby Store, in Asturia, while a turquoise-haired couple's back were turned. They were arguing over, oh what was it now, I think it as the right bum powder…" Says Vari thoughtfully.

"You see, we… couldn't have children, and we would have showered you with love and all… and we did for five years, until one magical day. We found out your mother was pregnant with Van."

Folken delicately wipes real tears away from his cheeks and for the first time since his birthday he lost his calm trait and snaps at his non-biological parents.

"You broke me! Slowly over the years, you broke me and I'm a wreck!! Forever, you showered Van with love and praise and showered me with hatred and metaphorical poison! You ignored me when I wasn't wanted and used me maliciously when it was convenience. YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I CHANGED MY HAIR! I hate my childhood! I would have loved those parents- they were trying to find BUM POWDER- bum powder to benefit ME! Not themselves!"

Everyone exchanges nervous glances. Folken sobs, and continues. "Why do you think I ran away from the dragon? And when an evil empire asked me to join, why did I?! For shits and giggles? NO! I hated you so much for what you were doing to me. I had to get away. And now I have nothing."

"That's because you ARE nothing, son." Says Goah, matter-of-factly.

"NO!!"

Everyone turns to see who shouted. All eyes fall on Van, except for Deputy Amanda, who is sitting next to Van, and thinks they are all starting at her. "What…?" she asks. They all ignore her.

Van stands up. "No, father. Folken is not nothing. He has been the greatest brother a boy could ask for. All of my life, he would read to me, and play with me and now that we're older we have a brotherly bond that no one can destroy. We moved out here to get away from YOU!"

Vari gasps. "No Van, you can't mean…"

"YES. I can't stand by and watch you torture his poor mind anymore. Folken is my partner in this Ranch. And whether or not you stole him from a cart, he is my BROTHER. I love him. And we are going to win the Apoletta race tomorrow!"

Folken's eyes were shimmering at the defense he had always secretly hoped to hear. Julie's eyes were shimmering at the bravery and loyalty she sees so rarely, what with being a super villain and all.

"B….but you're our perfect little boy, Van…" sobs Vari.

"No! I'm not. And you know what else? I'M GAY. AND FOLKEN'S THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER SUPPORTED ME!"

Julie starts to cry just as loud as Vari now. They hold each other, sobbing. Goah speaks up angrily. "That's IT. We're out of here. VAN! Come home when you get a little more sense. I know it's just Folken putting stupid ideas in your head. When you straighten this out, and yourself for God's sake, come home." He turns to Folken. "AND YOU! You are never welcome in Fanalia again!"

"Actually. As the Sheriff of this here town, I declare that YOU ARE NEVER WELCOME IN APOLETTA FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!" Bellows Julie.

The Fanel parents storm out, Vari wailing with sadness, and Goah swearing and stomping.

"Van… I am so… happy!" Folken said, slumping down onto a chair.

"Folken. I am sorry I didn't stand up for you sooner. I don't know what was standing in front of me. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Van, there is nothing to forgive. You stood up for me in the end, that's what counts." They smile at each other. Amanda and Julie are grinning and crying with happiness. Folken continues… "So I guess mom and dad know you're gay now… I guess the whole town will soon." Julie continues to cry, but now with sadness at the thought of her lost chances.

Fade to black.


	5. Scene 5

**﻿Scene Five**

* * *

This scene opens up with the lovely town setting at mid-morning on the fifth day. The appearance of the quaint western town has been completely transformed over night! There are pens where their owners are grooming the sheep. The main street between the shops and stores has been closed off and rearranged into a raceway.

Over in one section of a pen, Van and Folken take care of their sheep, Yuki. Folken seems cheery enough to Sheriff Julie as she walks through the streets over to the two brothers.

"Sheriff," cries Folken happily. "Van has told me about all you've done for us. If it weren't for you being around, Van would never have felt safe enough to stand up to our parents."

"Aw… Folken…" Van interjects and nudges him. Folken just smiles and starts to groom the sheep. Van moves to Julie and away from his brother. "So! Thanks again for…" Van snaps his fingers and points at her, "everything… I mean it was a close call this time. I didn't know about that adoption thing."

Julie giggles and blushes, "Aw, it was really nothing."

"So… I suppose I'll see you at the festival tonight?" Van asks her, flipping his hair sexily.

"Of course!" Julie melts. She screams 'Why are you GAY?!' in her head but maintains a sweet smile on the outside.

"Great! I have a race to win! Wish me luck!" he rushes his sentence out and hops back into the sheep pen.

At that moment, Dilandau and his 'gang' enter the town and walk with their sheep to Main Street.

Soon, everyone– sheep and their owners–take their places and get ready for the gun to go off and the race to start.

The announcer's voice rings out over the crowd. "Alright, Apoletta! I'm Jim McGraw,"

"And I'm Molly Carton from everyone's fave radio show, Seaside Tumbleweeds!" Crowd goes wild. "Fasten your saddle bags, cuz it's gonna be a wild ride. Let us introduce you to today's ADORABLE fluffy little contestants! First is Van and Folken's sheep, Yuki." Crowd cheers as Van and Folken smile and wave.

Jim joins in enthusiastically, "Number two, from Chesta, his sheep, Kush!" Crowd does the wave.

"And number three, dyed fiery red is Spitfire, Dilandau's sheep!" Crowd goes wild.

"Number four is Dalet's Burnin' Love." says Jim

"Number five – Miguel's Salsa." says Molly

"Number six, we have Deputy Joanna's, Crazy Talk!" says Jim.

Deputy Amanda and Sheriff Julie cheer, "go Joanna, go Joanna! Woooo!'

"Number seven– Guimel's Grindley and number eight– Gatti's Memphis!" cries Molly. It is clear now that Molly and Jim are trying to out-talk each other.

"Allen has his sheep... Lusty?... at number nine. Oookay. The A-Crew is at number 10 with... Mr. Queen? Where do you guys get this stuff?"

"And finally, Dryden's sheep _Milerna, will you marry me?_ Awwww. That's so sweet." Crowd goes especially wild, and Milerna sighs.

"A' course I'll marry you, sugar! On yer marks!" Squeals Saloon-girl Milerna. "Get Set!" She winks and blows a kiss to Dryden and pulls the trigger. The sound rips through sky and the sheep take off wildly.

"And they're off! Milerna, will you marry me? is in the lead closely followed by Crazy Talk and Burnin' Love. And Spitfire just stole the lead. Now Kush is coming up behind, and Yuki is pulling the rear. Here comes Salsa, and now it's Salsa in the lead, Crazy Talk second and Memphis coming up the rear with Lusty in third. And the sheep are near the finish line. Just look and them sheep go! And Yuki is closing in on Salsa, she overtakes Crazy Talk and Yuki is over the finish line first! Woo hoo! Yuki is in first place! Van and Folken win the five thousand dollars for the prosperity of their sheep ranch! Joanna's sheep Crazy Talk wins her one thousand dollars for law enforcement and in third, winning a month's supply of Mr. Clean, is Mr. Queen and the crew of the Lusty Knights Saloon!"

"Hey! That's Mr. QUEEN!"

"Whatever, I quit!" cries Jim.

"Please go to the town square for Apoletta festivities, including Karaoke, bobbing for apples, the lamb roast and much, much more!" Giggles Molly.

The crowd, after heavily congratulating Van and Folken make their way to the Karaoke stage. Dilandau, menacingly flocked by his Dragon Slayers, approach Van.

"Hey Van..." Everyone takes a deep breath and waits for Dilandau to yell obscenely at Van and tell him he will kill him and such. But all Dilandau says is, "good job today, Van! You deserve it!"

"What? You aren't going to get angry because you lost?"

"What?" Dilandau chuckles, "goodness no! What kind of human being would I be if I did that?"

"AHHH! I SAW THIS IN THE FACULTY! DILANDAU'S AN ALIEN! GET HIM!!" Cries Sheriff Julie out of nowhere! She tackles Dilandau.

"What? No! I... I didn't! I'm not! STOP! We have to get to the Karaoke stage!" wines Dilandau.

"Oh... okay!" Julie gets up. "Well then! Let's all play Skip Bo!"

"What? No! Sheriff, we have to get to the Karaoke Stage!" says Van.

"No, no! I do have Skip Bo here." Says Julie nodding politely.

"What?! NO!! We have to go NOW." Emphasizes Dilandau.

"No! See? It's right here." She pulls Skip Bo the card game out of her pocket. The others just walk away, shaking their heads in awe and disbelief.

* * *

Scene opens on the Karaoke stage, where Molly Carton is standing, wearing hardly anything. "Hey y'all! Welcome to yer annual Karaoke Contest! Wooo hoo! First up is Dilandau Albatou! Come on up, angel pie!"

Dilandau gets up on stage and gets ready. The Dragon Slayers are his back up singers, chanting "Dilandau Rules" over and over before the music starts.

The music starts. Dilandau sings three octaves too high for a fully mature male, in his song, "Like I Love You" By Justin Timberlake. "I jus' wanna love ya baby. Yea, yea, yeah! I jus' wanna love ya ba– Oof!"

Someone in the crowd, screaming "You Suck Dilandau," throws a full water bottle right into Dilandau's face, pinning him in the forehead.

**Mellow Yellow Asks...  
How would you stay smooth?**

A

Dilandau starts to bawl big, wet tears and cries

"Music is supposed to heal!"

**X (ENRR)**B

Dilandau picks up the water bottle with fury and

viciously whips it back into the crowd.

**X(ENRR)**C

Dilandau picks up the bottle of water and says,

"Thanks! It was getting hot in herre!" and he pours it all over his body!

**DING! DING! DING!**

"You're cool, Dilandau. But why'd you pick Justin?" says the guy that threw the water bottle.

"It was either that or "The Power of Love," by Celine Dion! Can you guys just see me singing 'cuz I'm your lady, and you are my man?' Heh heh! That'd be sumthin'!" Everyone looks around awkwardly. Dilandau frowns and becomes irritated. "I don't hear a lot of "NO'S" back there!"

"Uhh, No Sir, No! That's Crazy Talk!" squeaks Miguel. Joanna is seen in the background holding up her sheep and saying "No! THIS is Crazy Talk!" They all ignore her and start mindlessly chanting, "Dilandau rules! Dilandau rules."

"Okay, okay, STOP!!" Shouts Deputy Joanna, coming out onto the stage with mic in hand. "Where is Sheriff Julie?"

"Well," Dilandau starts. "Last time I saw her, she was looking' fer someone to play skip bo with…"

Joanna rolls her eyes and mutters, "Julie, Julie, Julie."

Just then, Sheriff Julie walks up to the group announcing, "I'm right here!" She climbs on to the stage and takes the second mic.

"Where were you? You were the first act!" asks Deputy Joanna.

"I was going to sing but there were only two songs and they both sucked!"

"Tell me about it." Says Dilandau.

"Yeah, he got hit in the face with a water bottle" says the guy that threw the water bottle.

"Well why do these songs suck so much? Who organized them?" inquires Julie.

"Uh… that would be me." some the voice of none other than Gary. He pokes his head out from behind the stage.

"Gary!!" cries Joanna in surprise. Then lowering her voice and glaring, she adds "I thought we left you in the desert!"

"Please don't say my name. Anyway it was the best I could do. This is my first karaoke job."

"Gary. You idiot. I got hit right in the face because of your stupid songs.!" Cries Dilandau.

"Well, I thought you handled yourself pretty well! And please……… don't use my name. If my wife hears………"

"Are you coming on to me Gary?" Cries Dilandau, yet again. "I like that."

"No, no. I'm perfectly straight……… but please keep it down." Gary says.

"GARY!! IS THAT YOU?!"

* * *

Please Review!!


	6. Scene 6

**Scene Six**

* * *

"GARY!! IS THAT YOU?!"

A horrendous voice tears through the chatter and commotion of the crowd, and everyone goes silent. Everyone turns to see a big woman with jet-black hair and cold green eyes waddles over to where Gary is standing.

"GARY!" She cries! "I thought I told you to get yer sorry rear outta town!"

"CATACLYSMA?!" comes the cry of Deputy Joanna.

"So we finally meet again, Frog!"

"You're Nerissa?!" exclaims Joanna. "You're the lady that married Gary and monopolized this town? Is that what you've been doing for the last year?!"

The crowd murmurs, 'they know each other!"

"YES! Ever since you drove me out of our city, I have come here. Oh it started as a vacation, but soon I was taken in by this simple little town and its simple little folk. Gary there owned the general store. I saw something that could be so much more, and I took on the task of building a bigger better store – then a bigger better town! Those damned Ranches were all that stood in the way of my perfect Monopoly. I almost had Van's too, if you hadn't helped him win that five grand, he would have sold! Damn you Fugitive Four!"

"You two know each other? Nerissa, what is going on?" asks poor Gary, confused about his wife and her background.

"Cataclysma is our old arch nemesis!" Says Joanna, as if it were obvious. Amanda nods knowingly.

Cataclysma's booming voice creates complete silence. "Yes! Mwa ha, ha!" Everyone turns to look at her. "We meet again the Fugitive Four… but I heard there were only three of you… where's the fourth?"

The "Fugitive Four" all stop and look at her with annoyed looks.

"Why do we have to keep telling everyone this…the fourth fugitive is on vacation." Amanda says with exasperation.

"Vacation? Why would she be on vacation?"

"We're super villains—not 'super heroes.' We're allowed to take vacations. Speaking of which, this town is only big enough for four super villains!" says Joanna.

Cataclysma's face of pure anger turns soft and meaningful as she says, "Oh………well if that is how it is. I see no problem. I can only count four of us."

"Well," says Joanna as if it were completely obvious. "Well, she'll be here any day now, so naturally, you can't stay since there is only room enough for four."

"WHAT?!" Cried Cataclysma, enraged. "How could you treat one of your fellow villains like this?"

"We are old arch nemeses, duh!" says Amanda.

'Oh yes, I remember now, since there is only room for four I will eliminate one of you, or better yet, get three of my friends and eliminate ALL OF YOU, MWAA GA HA!'

'You're such a big talker' says Joanna sardonically.

'YOU LIED TO ME!' Dilandau shouts from the gathering crowd. 'You told me that you only had two songs, the Justin one and 'The power of love'. I'll never forgive you.'

'Let's play it now!' Amanda says. The crowd goes wild as Gary kicks the dirt.

'Damn,' he says sadly. 'That was our wedding song, Nerissa, or I guess it's Cataclysma now...' He then inserts coin presses play and 'Pretty Woman' fills the air. 'Why do I always have to use my money? Old Gary's so poor.'

'You'd better pray for mercy Cataclysma. This here is our town, and we're going to run it!' Joanna says while they get into their fighting positions.

'Not so fast Joanna! Sheriff Julie, don't you want to know who's responsible for the drug trafficking?' Cataclysma interrupts and Joanna gasps audibly.

Everyone looks to see what Sheriff Julie has to say but she is not there. Murmurs throughout the crowd begin contemplating the whereabouts of their Sheriff during their hour of need. Finally someone cries 'THERE SHE IS' pointing to a window in the "Lusty Knight's Saloon" where she is eating her dinner.

People watch awkwardly while she continues to eat, oblivious to the stares until she slowly notices that the whole town is collectively looking at her through a window. She points to herself and the whole town nods. Julie looks down at her plate and then back out the window and then points to her half finished plate.

Joanna indicates Cataclysma, who's hand is on her hip and her foot a tappin' and motions for Julie to come join them. Julie shovels the rest of her food into her mouth and rushes outside chewing, screaming something people can only assume to be 'Cataclysma' because her mouth is full.

'Like I said, don't you want to know who's responsible for the drug trafficking?' cries Cataclysma somewhat annoyed but regaining her enthusiasm by the end of the sentence.

'How do _you_ know?' Julie asks dramatically. "I've been trying to solve this mystery for a whole week!" Deputy Joanna remains calm.

'Well, I _have_ lived here for a year, now. Do you want to know who it is or not?' replies Cataclysma smugly.

'Yea, but you still can't be a part of this team.'

Before responding, Cataclysma silently shakes a fist to herself and clenches her teeth in frustration thinking, 'this was my day.' She then responds with an accusing finger pointed at Deputy Joanna. 'It was her!' She cries with more enthusiasm and might than ever before.

Everyone gasps and turns to deputy Joanna. Murmurs throughout the crowd begin. Sheriff Julie and Joanna hear things like 'how could she betray us' and 'we trusted her.' Joanna hears Dilandau loudly chime in as the mummers were dying down, 'what a shame.' She glares at him coldly.

Julie stares at Cataclysma for a long moment and cries 'Ah HA!' The crowd looks to her and more murmurs follow. 'I know what you're doing. It's the oldest trick in the book.' Julie takes out a book. 'And by book I mean the super villain manual for dummies.' Julie clears her throat and dons glasses, reading from the book, 'chapter 6: Have Your Enemies Defeat Themselves by Turning Them Against Each Other.' She slams the book closed and tosses it aside casually as Cataclysma's jaw drops in awe of her stupidity. 'Oh its all so simple. You have been trafficking drugs since you arrived in this town. Everyone knows this drug trafficking conspiracy was going on long before we ever got here. Now you're trying to blame my Deputy at the right moment when our trust in each other is most important, to turn us against one another. It was you all along wasn't it, Cataclysma? How else would you gain all the money for your monopoly?'

'I knew you'd defend my honour Sheriff Julie' Joanna exclaims. 'The only way to settle this is a quick draw at dusk'

'It is?' Julie questions.

'Well yea, it's in the 'So you're going to be a Sheriff' guide book.'

'Well if it's in the guide book then that is what it must be' Julie turns to face Cataclysma. 'It's almost dusk now, are you ready?'

'Well alright' Cataclysma gives in readying her six-shooter.

At this point Julie and Cataclysma stand back-to-back holding their arms at the ready. Joanna explains the rules, '10 paces, turn and shoot. Good Luck.'

After one pace each they both turn around and try to shoot each other in the back. They shyly point a finger and laugh knowingly. Joanna says, 'for real this time.'

They turn again, taking another step before turning back to shoot each other again.

'Stop cheating! You can't shoot me in the back' Cataclysma says but Julie interjects with 'I only turned around because I know YOU would turn around and cheat'

'I only turned around cause YOU turned around…' Cataclysma continues to argue.

'We'll never settle anything this way' Joanna cuts in.

'How about a chess game?' Cataclysma suggests.

Joanna brushes the off, 'nah, Julie is too stupid….' Julie nods in agreement. Joanna gets a brilliant idea raising a finger into the air she declares, 'Skip Bo. 2 decks. 60 card stock-pile.' Everyone except Joanna gasps.

Cataclysma folds her arms and narrows her eyes. 'Deal the cards.' Within minutes Joanna sets up a game and it begins giving her enough time to slip away sneakily.

One intense hour passes as the game draws to an end. Cataclysma has 48 stock cards left and Julie has 3… and its Julie's turn. Beads of sweat form on Cataclysma's brow as Julie draws her five cards. Julie smiles wickedly and plays her move at lighting speed winning the game screaming 'I win… the game. And the town.'

Cataclysma smashes the card off the table and yells 'fine I'll leave.'

'Not so fast' Joanna says jumping off her horse. The Sheriff and law enforcers closely follow her from the next town over. 'You are under arrest for smuggling drugs. You're not going anywhere.'

'NOOOOOOOOO. I'll get you for this FUGITIVE FOUR!!' She yells as she is carried away.

Amelia, the fourth fugitive four member calmly saunters in, back from her vacation. 'Was that Cataclysma I saw' she asks, unimpressed. 'What are you guys doing in this Wild, Wild West town? I was waiting at the airport for four hours… in our city' she explains dryly. 'Then there was this note on the fridge explaining to come here… well whatever, anything I should know or care about?'

Julie, Joanna and Amanda begin to explain everything that has happened at once when they are silenced by the single stopping hand of Amelia. 'I said things that I should 'care about.' I hate sheep.'

Julie begins to recap the day's events. 'You know what I don't understand?'

'Was Cataclysma really the real drug smuggler?' Amanda asks, as she is promptly elbowed by Joanna.

'No not that… but why was I the only one eating dinner when it was clearly dinner time'

'Because of the festivities of the sheep race, it's tradition. And you were inside eating a meal missing out on the festivities… and the sheep roast.'

Julie waves a hand and rolls her eyes and says, 'pshaw that's CRAZY talk…'

'No! THIS is Crazy Talk' Chesta says and holds up Joanna's sheep. Everyone except Amelia laughs.

Freeze-frame and fade to black.

Roll Credits.


End file.
